Wow, I just had my first day at work, on Ritalin…

Again, no clue of it has to do with the meds or some sort of placebo effect by wishing it, but I had such a relaxed and productive day.

I told some colleagues, who know what I have been dealing with, that I started Ritalin. They all want to know how it feels, but it’s hard to describe, I usually start with weird. Cause it feels weird to me, to finally feel someone normal.

Back to work. I start around 8.30 am and I take my meds at 7 so they have some time to start working before I start.. working. Usually I am very distracted traveling by public transport, one of the reason I both listen to music, read a book and check my phone simultaneously. Yay for being a pro at multitasking. I am also easily annoyed by small things. People walking in front of me, bumping into me, missing the tube, because why use a schedule. And so many other things. Today, not so much. Yes I get annoyed, but not to the point I am overstimulated and super annoyed when I arrive at work. I am letting things go.

What also is helping, is my mood. I had such a shitty week before new years eve. I had such a shitty year. I feel either depressed, or nothing, or slightly better and very afraid for my mood to drop again. I have been feeling relatively ok before Christmas, but very much afraid and waiting for that drop again and it happened. Now I am feeling more like myself again. And also not afraid for that mood drop.

I am more emotionally stable (as in not wanting to cry over everything, not snapping at people, not angry, not sad, not depressed), and for some reason I have more energy physical, but more relaxed in my mind. Although I do find myself loosing my thoughts a lot. As in it takes time to find the right words. Previously my mind would go 240 miles a minute, now it seems like I am adjusting to the speed limit that is allowed.

At work I noticed I wasn’t as stressed as I usually am after a holiday. I got more things done in less time because I got distracted a lot less. I could concentrate longer. Don’t get me wrong, I still get distracted, but I can focus faster to what I am doing. If something does break my concentration I don’t forget what I was working on but can go back to it.

There are of course still some things that aren’t fun. I have a slight head-ache since Saturday, my brain seems sometimes sluggish and I hate the down time between two tablets. I also had trouble falling asleep last night, but I usually am a very bad sleeper. I toss and turn and don’t seem to fully rest at night.

I just have to wait and see how things progress as my focus on how I feel gets less over time.

Thanks for reading, love Jamie.

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