Ok, wow, I just took my first Ritalin tablet.

Well, when I woke up this morning, apparently you need to take them on a very tight schedule, each day. Because I don’t really sleep in on my days off from work and get up at 6 am on working days I needed to choose a time, which I decided to be 7 am.

I am so focused on my mind and my body at the moment that I have absolutely no clue if the meds are working. I have fast working Ritalin, which means it works in about 30 minutes and will wear of in about 4/5 hours. You get instant result with these tablets.

But they say that you can truly experience behaviour results after a week you take these tablets.

I’m just glad I don’t have to start working until Tuesday (it’s Saturday now) so I can at least adjust a bit to the meds and any side effects they may have.

Although having ADHD has a lot of drawbacks for me, like not being able to focus, constantly forgetting things, misplacing things, not being able to sit still, and especially in combination with my depression, the constant stream of negative thoughts going on and on and on. It also has some good qualities.

I am very creative, I can make connections very fast, my mind surprises me constantly with endless bounds of information, if I am feeling well I love how I am able to work in utter chaos and be happy.

Those examples are just a few of the good and the bad sides of how ADHD presents in me. I am a bit afraid by using the medication I loose the good sides together with the bad ones.

On the other hand I hope it will help me focus and shut my brain up, help me battle my depression and if a bit of weight loss is added, you won’t hear me complain.

Oh and I will also be starting therapy in the new year, but waiting lists are long. It’s not like I just take meds and hope the best of it. It will be in combination with psychotherapy.

I realised one of the reasons I am also scared to take the meds is because basically it’s drugs, as in the ‘bad kind’. I used to work with drug addicts in my previous job and I have an aversion to using drugs myself. I mean, I smoked a joint twice during puberty and I didn’t like it. Ritalin qualifies as drugs and a lot of people abuse the use of it. That is one of the reasons I have to get used to taking the pills.

Thanks for reading, love Jamie.

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